The Spice Doctor

The Head of Evil

Season One
Season Two
Season Three

features the 3rd Doctor & Jo Grant...

Mickey couldn’t be more embarrassed.  Ever since the Doctor had detected those strange emissions coming form the heart of London’s city centre she’d been on a mission to dig up the road it was buried beneath.  He had no idea where she’d gotten the council equipment or the bright yellow jackets that they wore to disguise themselves as workmen.  Naturally the Doctor had taken on the role of the foreman, which meant that she told him what to do while drinking several cups of tea every hour and telling everyone to bear with them while they repaired something or other.  It varied all the time, from a water main to a gas leak to the collapse of a sewage tunnel or even an underground spring being tapped by a mineral water firm.


The Doctor took her turn, since Mickey had decided to have another rest.  He was very unfit that boy, or maybe she was much fitter?  Certainly a little exercise didn’t tire her out and she dug more in ten minutes than Mickey had in the last three hours.  There was a thud and an impact as the blade of the spade hit something hard.  “I think we’ve got a winner.”  She threw the spade up to Mickey.  “Pass me down the trowel, I’ll has this thing out in a few moments.”


Mickey saw the Doctor unearth what looked like an old wooden box.  “Is there any treasure in there?”


“Maybe.”  The Doctor replied.  “Whatever it is though, it’s very old and very powerful and oddly familiar.  These fingerprints, caked in the long-dried mud.  They’re mine.  I’m sure of it.”


“Well you do have a time machine.”  Mickey chuckled to himself.


“That wouldn’t explain this odd feeling of de-ja vu.”  The Doctor tossed the box up to Mickey.  “We’d better fill this hole in, before someone falls into it and by we I do of course mean you.”  She climbed out of the hole in the ground and threw the spade to Mickey.  “Hurry up, before the police come.  I still haven’t got my new identity papers sorted out yet.  I used to be so good at faking them too.”




They’d made it back to the Doctor’s place ok.  She was weird, even more so than before.  She’d gone out of her way to save a stray dog and sworn like a dock worker at an itinerant taxi driver who had tried to overcharge them on the way back.  “So what do we do now?”  Mickey asked.


The Doctor looked up from the strange wooden box.  “Oh I find some way to unlock this.  I went to great lengths to secure it, I just can’t remember why.  I hope it’s not some sort of ancient evil entity from the dawn of time.  Because they’re murder to get rid of, literally.”


“With you it could be the loch ness monster and the terminator.”  Mickey joked.


“Yes.”  The Doctor agreed.  “Sorry about those.”


Mickey shook his head in disbelief and realized that the Doctor was having him on, probably.  “Can I help?”


The Doctor threw her hands in the air.  “Oh go on then.  You can’t do any harm, I suppose.  Just be careful, ok?  It may be very dangerous.”


“Dangerous?”  Mickey had sudden second thoughts.


“Maybe.”  The Doctor replied.  “It could also be full of gold and jewels.”


“I could have a quick look at it I suppose.”  Mickey replied.  “My mum could really do her flat up with a few bars of gold.”


“It might also come in handy if…no.  I fixed them once and for all.  Still they would make nice earrings I suppose.”


Mickey picked the box up and shook it about.  He dropped it suddenly when he heard a muffled voice!  “It spoke to me!”  He gasped in fright.


“You broke it.”  The Doctor replied.  “If I wanted it broken I’d have dropped it on the floor myself.  Oh well, Time Ladies can’t be choosers I suppose.”  She scooped up the pieces and put them back on the desk.  She took a step back when a severed head rolled out of the large fragments.


“We meet again, Doctor.”  Salicious Skeel, the demon sorcerer laughed maniacally.




The Doctor and Jo were alone in the UNIT laboratory where the Doctor spent most of his time when not helping the Brigadier solve mysteries from outer space, stopping alien invasions and defeating the nefarious schemes of the Master.  Jo felt it was about time the Doctor jolly well got outside and got some fresh air.  “It smells like dusty old books and my old chemistry teacher in here Doctor.”


The Doctor looked up from the dematerialisation circuit.  “Yes, well perhaps we have been cooped up in here a long time.  Maybe you can go and help the Brigadier solve some top level spy scandal while I get one with my work?”


Jo glared at the Doctor and put her hands firmly on her hips.  “It’s you who needs to get out of here Doctor.”  She tried to stay calm, it did no one any good at all by shouting.  “You’ve been locked away in here for three weeks without any rest.  It’s time you got out and remembered what the world’s like.  It’s what you help us mere earthlings save every week after all.  Don’t you think you should at least see what it is you’re fighting to protect?  There are some lovely wild flowers in bloom and it’s a beautiful day too.”


“There’s no need Jo.”  The Doctor replied with a smile.


“You’ve fixed it?”  Jo was glad that the Doctor was making some progress and wasn’t going to be so broody and miserable anymore.


“Care for a spin around the cosmos, m’dear?”  The Doctor gestured towards the TARDIS.  “We can go all the way to the end of the universe and be back in the blink of an eye.”


“Well just as long as we do get back.”  Jo replied.  “I’ve got a double date tonight.  Mike and I are having pasta with Carol and John.”


“Ah, the small intrigues of the human social order.”  The Doctor nodded.  “Don’t worry I’ll have you back in plenty of time.  In fact we might even arrive before we’ve left.”


“How’s that possible?”  Jo asked.


“I’ll explain later.”  The Doctor replied as he ushered Jo inside of the TARDIS.




King George III regarded the two newcomers to the court with bored indifference.  They dressed like mad parrots and he had no time for those who did not observe the proper formalities of the court dress code.  The man wore no powdered wig although he didn’t need it with that shock of frizzy white hair.  The woman was barely half-clothed.  He had taken her for a Romany at first, but this pale straw-haired drab had not the fine swarthy visage of a gypsy, she excited his loins not.  “We ill receive those to whom courtesy is obviously lacking.”


“Forgive us your majesty.”  The Doctor bowed stiffly.  “My companion and I travelled far and we have not had time to prepare ourselves for the splendour of your majesty’s court.  We are clad only in our travelling attire and we humbly beg your forgiveness for the lack of proper reverence you rightfully deserve.”


Salicious Sneel, the court’s advisor shook his head.  “Majesty, I beg you to send these peasants away at once.  They are obviously gutter dregs pretending to be nobility.”


“Oh Salicious, you see enemies where none exist.  All my subjects are welcome in my court.  I am a monarch of my people, not some power mad tyrant.  I bid them welcome and wish that they dine with us this evening.”




After the banquet Jo was feeling quite full and sleepy.  “That meal was fab.”  Sje said to the Doctor.  “I never knew it was possible to have so many courses in one sitting.  It beats UNIT’s canteen any day of the week.”


“Oh my dear Jo that was nothing compared to a splendid dinner Caesar threw in my honour.  We dined from dawn to dusk, I must admit I lost count of the courses after midday.”


“An all day eating binge?”  Jo scoffed.  “That’s impossible, even for a high and mighty time lord, surely.”


“Well of course it is Jo.”  The Doctor replied.  “The Romans in all the decadance discovered the supermodel diet two thousand years before Twiggy was even born.”


“That’s disgusting.”  Jo felt quite ill now.  “I could have done without knowing that until tomorrow morning, thank you very much Doctor.”


“Put it out of your mind Jo, let it fall away like the leaves of a tree in autumn.”


Salicious Sneel watched from the deep ichor shadows of a convenient vestibule.  He saw the white-haired meddler easily manipulating his servant.  “I will permit no rival to my position.”  He said to himself.  “No rival at all.”




Jo was awakened by a presence in her room.  Instinctivly she screamed and pulled the bed covers around her naked body.  The lights came on suddenly and she saw a man standing over her about to drive a knife into her.  “Doctor!”  She screamed, even louder.


“I’m here Jo.”  The Doctor replied as he moved away from the door, the bright torch in his hand illuminated the room brighter than a 100 watt bulb.


“You shall not usurp me!”  Salicious Sneel shouted and went to attack the Doctor.  However a group of Knights of the Garter burst into the room and grabbed the portly peddler of the occult.  “Unhand me or I shall summon forth a plague of devils!”


One of the guards let go, fearful for his life.  Sneel twisted his arm free of the other guard.  “I am a master of the blackest arts!”  Sneel ranted at the Doctor.


“Haii!”  The Doctor shouted and expertly threw the fat man across the room seemingly without effort.  He crossed the room in less than a second and incapacitated the man with a Venusian nerve jab.  “Your body is immobile, I will release you only when you tell me why you tried to attack my companion.”


“I refuse to tell one such as you.  A mere dabbler in mysteries I command.  I am not afraid of you sir, I am a sworn agent of Lucifer.  My oath to him is inviolate.”


“Then the oath to me is meaningless.”  King George III said sharply.  “Your head is forfeit Sneel, as it that of any traitor to the House of Hanover.




The Doctor looked at Mickey.  “King George made me take Sneel’s head.  I left shortly after and returned Jo back to her proper time.  We never spoke of the event again and somehow the dematerialisation circuit stopped working shortly afterwards.”


“Amazing.”  Mickey replied.


“It was sad in a way.”  The Doctor shook her head.  “His mind was twisted by his belief in the mythical fantasies of his own mind.  A few years later King George succumbed to such the same sort of madness.  Their belief in a fictious world caused them to be blind to the real world.”


“You are a fool!”  Sneel’s eyes opened and a swarm of black flies poured from his mouth.


The Doctor dropped the head on the floor and took a step back.  Then she picked up the solid steel spade and tossed it to Mickey.  “Hit him between the eyes.  I don’t have the physical strength that you do.”


Mickey advanced warily.  He hefted the gardening tool and then brought it crashing down as hard as he could on the head.  It split open like an egg and he felt the shock of the impact ringing in his arms.  “He’s dead.”


“Of course.”  The Doctor replied.  “He died a long time ago.”


“But he was alive.”


“His tissue was animated by an external psionic field.  You destroyed it with that.”


“It’s not a magic sword.”


“It is Mickey.  It is.”  The Doctor smiled.  “Iron is the bane of psionic energy.  It disperses it instantly.  You saved us both.”  She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  “You could have just saved the world, again.”


Mickey smiled.  “Yeah?”


“Don’t let it go to your head though.”  The Doctor said quickly.  “Prides going before a fall and all that.”


I just wanted to put a bit of classic Pertwee action into a story :)

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