The Spice Doctor

No One Is Innocent

Season One
Season Two
Season Three

heat delirium?

There was anger in the air, the long hot summer burned it into the nation’s psyche.  The island of rains was becoming a desert of unrelenting heat and rising antagonism.  The slightest cause was enough to overload tempers and numerous fights started on every street corner.  It was as if a madness was infecting people like a disease.  Rational thought became scare as factions formed and split into new blocs.  Alliances were formed and broken on the slightest whim.  Only the very strongest bonds of family and friendship managed to resist the infernal insanity


The Doctor and her companions had been trapped in this for a month now.  The TARDIS had been stolen and the three travelers had split up to locate it.  The Doctor had been forced to renew her associate with UNIT, mere months after her weird self with the scarf had left, they hadn’t expected a hot babe with bazookas to turn up and take up her old job.




Andrea was currently enjoying a bit of pampering in the hairdressers.  True they were a bunch of school kids with no talent and even less ability to make a cup of tea or sweep the floor, but at least they seemed concerned enough not to lose their jobs today.  She’d occasionally thought about kids, but if hers turned out anything like these girls then she’d rather pass, thanks all the same.




Mickey was on the corner of Highlands Road, waiting for Jamal and Chris to return.  They were two DJ’s with a love of Bob Marley that surpassed all levels of sense or reason, but they were cool to hang out with.  They’d helped him find a place to crash and also get a job at a local garage.  He briefly wondered what the Doctor was up to, but then his friends turned up and he pushed all thoughts of escaping this nightmare to the back of his mind.




Revolution called, the riot started out of a dozen separate incidents, soon though they became entangled in the sort of bizarre complex pattern that only chaos theorists got excited about and produced many weird and colourful patterns modelled on the subtle mathematics involved.


Gangs of skinheads fought with neo-Nazi’s, both sets of shaven heads blurring into a sea of pink domes, one side separated from the other only by tattooed swastikas.  Elsewhere Jamaican Yardies laid into African Muslims and Jews and Palestinians fought together to counter the aging Mods, Rockers and Teddy Boys.  Punks and hippies threw petrol bombs at each other and soon every street was littered with broken glass and burned out cars.  People were prisoners of their own homes and the police moved in packs like predators, ambushing smaller numbers ruthlessly, putting several gang members in hospital or the morgue.




The Doctor ended up having to accidentally deliberately put the lost memo on Alistair’s table herself, so that UNIT would mobilise quickly and lives saved.  However she absolutely insisted that she drive Bessie there herself, although as a compromise she agreed to let Benton accompany her.  The drive down was quick, even though the Doctor had more trouble with overtaking and reverse parking than before, she was much safer now though, and that was what was really important, wasn’t it?  Also the 10 disc CD play she’d wired into her favourite car allowed her and Benton to listen to all the classics.  From The Red Hot Chili Peppers to Steps to Anthrax.




Mickey tried keeping his head down when everything kicked off, but Jamal and Chris were set upon by three tough-looking guys.  He tried to even the odds but a clubbing blow to the side of his head sent him down for the count and as the world lurched sideways into tones of colour and images of sound his last thought was: oh crap…




Andrea was trying to shift the wardrobe in front of the window but a brick smashed through it, covering her in flying glass that cut with a thousand tiny stings.  Luckily it wasn’t a petrol bomb though and eventually she coaxed the old oak thing into place, before filling it with whatever heavy objects she could find in the house.




The Doctor braked hard and Bessie drew up level with the prone body of Mickey.  “Oh no!”  She leapt out of the car as best she could in a mini-skirt and rushed over to him as best should could in her favourite boots (the ones with the 4” chunky height enhancers).  “He’s still alive.”  She motioned over to Benton.  “We have to get him to the nearest hospital.”


Benton helped the Doctor lift the unconscious youth into the back seat of the car.  “I take it he’s one of yours then?”


“I brought him here, to this time.  Something’s gone wrong with time.  This riot should never have happened.”


“An alien invasion?”  Benton tried to think of the most likely causes.


“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel right.  Usually alien invasion plans show all the signs of a plan.  This is just senseless violence for the fun of it.  Oh no, it couldn’t be.  Not him!”


Benton pulled off his rubber mask to reveal his true identity.  “Who else would mastermind such a plan as to trap you my dear Doctor?”  The Master chuckled to himself.  “I was expecting that buffoon with the scarf, alas I end up with the trollop who flashes her knickers at everyone.”


The Doctor glared at the Master.  “I am not Jo Grant, I mean a trollop.”


The Master aimed his laser pistol at his sworn enemy.  “It’s a shame you never saw my side of things.  Together we could have ruled the universe, bringing peace and order to worlds torn by conflict and strife.”


“Peace?”  The Doctor rolled her eyes.  “You don’t want peace, you just want to satisfy your ego.  Your megalomania will be your undoing.”


“And your compassion will be yours.”  The Master replied sharply.


“You’re right.”  The Doctor shook her head.  “After all these years how could I have been so wrong, and what’s worse you’re right.  How can I have been so blind?”


“What are you saying?”  The Master asked uncertain of the Doctor’s words.


The Doctor threw her arms around the Master and kissed him.  “I’m saying I’m not going to let compassion stop me now.”  She kneed the Master as hard as she could in the groin.  “How’s about that for starters?”  She kicked him in the stomach.  “Liking the new me now?  She stamped on his kneecaps.  “Want some compassion yet?”  She kicked him between the legs, like she was talking the winning penalty in the woman’s FA cup final.  “How’s this for evil then?”  She kicked him again, before stopping to adjust her skirt and hair.  “I’m not sure what came over me.”  She got back into Bessie and drove off to find the hospital.




Mickey opened his eyes to see the Doctor and Andrea sitting by the bedside.  “Who put me in my pyjamas?”  He asked with a panicked voice.


“Oh one of the male nurses I expect.”  The Doctor replied almost with a straight face.


“The same one who gave you your bed bath I expect.”  Andrea added with an even less constrained smile.


“Fine, whatever.”  Mickey replied.  “At least I’m secure enough not to let it worry me.”


“Actually it was both of us.”  The Doctor broke out into a fit of giggles.


“That’s just charming.”  Mickey said loudly.  “Some friends you two are.”


“We’d better go.”  The Doctor said to Andrea.  “Visiting time is almost up.”


“How long am I in here for anyway?”  Mickey asked the others.


“Time enough for another bed bath.”  Andrea exploded in a burst of hysterical laughter.


The Doctor yawned and stretched her arms out, accidentally pushing the unconscious figure of the Master (trolley and all) down the empty lift shaft.  “We’d better buy him a comic or something to read.”  She said to Andrea.  “There’s a gift shop in the lobby.”


Andrea nodded.  “We can stock up on chocolate too.”


“Now you’re thinking” the Doctor replied “in our line of work it never has time to settle on the hips.”




Outside the streets were being tidied up and the burned out cars towed away to be crushed.  No one noticed the invisible space ship landing in Regents Park


I wanted to write a UNIT story post Terror of the Zygons and pre Android Invasion featuring a certain crime lord who learns that the Spice Doctor is too much for him to handle...

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