The Spice Doctor

Peace on Earth

Season One
Season Two
Season Three

The God of Daleks' Christmas Party!

"Earth is our Eden." The Dalek Emperor announced to his worshippers. "We shall make it our Eden  and live in paradise."


"We can build sandcastles." A Dalek said happily.


"We can go to the fun fairs." Another Daleks said to a third.


A fourth Dalek looked at the exterminated bodies of the Doctor and Rose. "We can display our trophies. We have beaten our most dangerous enemy."


The Dalek Emperor laughed. "No my children. It is Christmas time. We shall have a Christmas party to celebrate our victory."


"With jelly and ice cream?" The first Dalek asked.


"Of course!" The Dalek Emperor replied.




Painfully the Doctor opened one eye. "What a night. I must have had three alcopops judging by this headache." The Doctor sat up. "Strange, something feels different. Hmmm, new breasts. And hair. I've got hair. Long and red." There was a mirror. "I'm Geri Halliwell!"




The Daleks took a shuttle down to Earth and sang Christmas Carols on the way down.




The Doctor was forced to dress in Rose's clothes as she had nothing else to wear and Rose wouldn't need them anymore as she was dead, consumed by the fires of eternity and also about a hundred Dalek extermination blasts. She said a silent prayer for her fallen companion and incinerated her in the Gamestation's nuclear reactor pile.


"Who are you?" Jack Harkness demanded. "What have you done to Rose Tyler?"


"Jack?" The Doctor gasped. "You're alive!"


"Yeah." Jack replied. "Rose gave me new life, somehow."


"Giving you a new life must have drained her just enough for the Daleks to overwhelm her. It's all a blank. So what do you think?"


"Well I wouldn't kick you out of bed, but right now I may just shoot you dead."


"I regenerated." The Doctor giggled. "I'm the Doctor."


"" Jack replied. "So what now?"


"We take the TARDIS down to Earth and destroy the Daleks once and for all."


"I like that plan." Jack replied and put his arm around the Doctor's waist.


"Later." The Doctor said quickly. "Can't you think of anything else?"


"With your dazzling beauty there's only one thing I can think of."


"Avenging Rose's death, I hope." The Doctor replied.


"Sure." Jack replied. "We could take the scenic route though.


The Doctor pushed Jack in the TARDIS. "They say redheads have fiery passions. Maybe I should show you mine."


"Only if you let me show you mine first." Jack replied and pulled the Doctor inside the TARDIS.




The Daleks were doing the conga when the TARDIS materialized nearby. Jack stumbled out of the TARDIS with a black eye and the Doctor followed a few seconds later, holding her hand in pain. "Never do that again!" She shouted.


"Gee Doctor; you give me all the signals."


"I was talking about, never mind that now." The Doctor looked at the Daleks. "Right then you lot. There's only one way to defeat you and with this body I finally have the means at my disposal. I'm going to get rid of you lot once and for all..."


"You're not going to strip are you?" Jack asked.


"Hardly." The Doctor replied. "I'm going to use the ancient power of the Time Ladies to summon forth the greatest all-star pop band in the world and use our combined Grrrl-Power to destroy the Daleks."


From the planet Peladon Queen Poshia appeared. From the planet Drahva First Minister Scaary appeared. From the forest of Cheam Sporti appeared and from Rexacoricofalipetorious Baby Margaret appeared.


Jack cowered in fear. "No, this is more destructive than the Delta Ray!"


"Get in the TARDIS then." The Doctor replied. "This is one gig that's for Daleks only."


The 'Space Girls' began to sing and the Daleks writhed about in agony and mercifully one by one they all exploded...




Jack emerged from the TARDIS to find the Doctor and co were enjoying a hug and making plans for a reunion tour next decade. He quickly set about trying to program in the co-ordinates for the Torchwood Institute, but he was too slow.


"What are you doing Jack?" She asked the suspicious Jack.


"I'm just setting the controls."


"Why don't you let me take care of that for you? We don't want you worrying your pretty little head with things like that, now do we?" She advanced towards Jack.


"It's ok Doctor. I've got the hang of these controls now."


"Don't touch the controls Jack. You don't know what you're doing."


"I know exactly what I'm doing." Jack replied but the Doctor was standing in front of him and she threw her arms around him and then she kissed him. "Why?" He asked.


"You're standing under the mistletoe." The Doctor replied. "Now why don't we go back to Earth? You can break the news to Jackie after you've slept with her and I can have Mickey all to myself. I loved him from the moment I saw him and finally he's mine for the taking."


"Mickey Smith?" Jack was shocked. "Really?"


The Doctor nodded. "He's the perfect companion for me. He's always asking me for answers, he always gets into trouble and he’s always the first to scream for help. I love that in a man." The Doctor set the controls for Earth. "Now though I think it's time to find a new outfit. 2000's Chav is so old. I know, what about 1800's alehouse trollop? No? 1970's feminist? Too Sarah Jane? I know! I have the perfect dress. Victoria wore it once. It's lacy and flouncy and the matching shoes are only a modest 3" heel. Either that or Leela's spare dress she left after she married Andred.


written just because I wanted to write an irreverent send up of the over-serious Children in Need mini-story and send it up shamelessly and feature (yet another) female Doctor, this time chronically over-played by Ginger Spice aka Geri Halliwell.  And to push the envelope further I decided to write a few follow up stories...
Unlike the 13th and 14th Doctor adventures the 'Spice' Doctor's adventures are not meant to be written or taken seriously, they're a pastiche of Doctor Who and sci-fi in general.  I just want to have some fun with the characters and hope others have half as much reading them as I have writing them.

+++++weird Dr Who adventures+++++