The Spice Doctor

Doctor Who vs The Supermarket

Season One
Season Two
Season Three

a new beginning or the beginning of the end?

This was not going to be a good day.  The Doctor and Mickey entered the supermarket with their trolley and were immediately torn by the sheer number of items on display.


“We need to stock up on food first.”  The Doctor said to her companion.


“Leave room for the lager though, yeah?”  Mickey replied.


“We may need two trolleys.”  The Doctor said to herself.


“Why did we leave things to the last minute again?”


The Doctor sighed.  “Because we were stuck in a plasma storm for three weeks and if we dematerialized then the explosion would have killed eighty three billion people.  We had no choice but to ride it out.”


“Maybe if we split up, we can get more things done quicker.”  Mickey had found an unattended empty basket.  “I’ll sort out the fresh fruit and veg.”


“Fine.”  The Doctor tore the list in half.  “You make a start on this lot and I’ll meet you by the delicatessen in ten minutes.”




Mickey found the Doctor half an hour later chatting to a member of staff about lipsticks.  “Hey, where were you?”


The Doctor felt guilty.  “Andrea and I just started chatting about our daily beauty regimens; I didn’t mean to be so long.  Ever since the regeneration I have these lapses in time while I’m shopping.  Normally I have a perfect internal chronometer.  Maybe it’s a side affect?”


“We don’t have time for this now.  We’ll just have to catch up as best we can.”


The Doctor looked at her list.  “Right, I’ll pop into the lingerie section, I need a new bra, this one really digs into my ribs, right under my breasts.  Have a look.”


“Way too much personal information.”  Mickey threw his hands up over his eyes and left.


The Doctor turned back to Andrea.  “Men.”  She rolled her eyes and chuckled.




Mickey was loading the fifth crate of lager into his trolley when the Doctor finally made another appearance, except she had Andrea in tow with her, no longer wearing her uniform but instead wearing a normal denim skirt and pink blouse.  “I take it we’re no longer going to have footy night every night.”


“Well Andrea’s nice and she’s always wanted to travel and she’s probably not a shape-shifting alien or possessed by some sort of ancient evil entity.”


“That does happen a lot.”  Mickey said casually.


“Plus, she’s an extra bit of female company about the place, someone to chat to about normal everyday stuff.”


“Thank god for that.”  Mickey was relieved.  “I nearly had a seizure that time you caught up with me and trapped me in the corner of the kitchen while you went on and on about shoes.”


“Speaking of shoes, we should stop by my flat.”  Andrea said.  “You can borrow those gold pumps I was telling you about.”


“Oh, I’m off.”  Mickey said quickly and dashed away.


“I think we make a great team.”  The Doctor said to Andrea.  “Any time we want to get rid of him we just talk about shoes.”


“Yeah, all the fashion areas work, I always keep tights back for special occasions like a big sporting event.  My last boyfriend left me because I went on about my tights.  Oh, I was glad to get rid of him really.  He always broke wind in bed.”


“That’s a capital offence on some planets.”  The Doctor remarked casually.  “Quite an ironic death too, they literally explode from methane retention.  Mickey’s not too bad though, he’ll always leave a room, the problem is he comes back again.”  They both laughed again.  “We’d better stock up on tampons while we’re here.  I usually say that to him when I want to buy some chocolate, it scares the hell out of him.”


“Aw, bless.”


“In your case though, I’d have to resort to asking you a sport’s question.”


“I don’t follow sports.”


The Doctor nodded.  “I know.”




Mickey found himself in the comfort and security of the video games section.  At last he’d gotten away from the Doctor and her clone.  Well not clone exactly, Andrea was sort of pretty, even though she was at least five years older than he was.  Still they were both the same age compared to the Doctor.  He was uncertain how he felt about having someone else in the TARDIS.  Certainly Alice had been great fun, they had so much in common, but Andrea was a really girly sort of woman, where as Alice was more of a robot in a dress with a series of personality disorders.  Still he should at least try to make friends with her.  After all things ended up where everyone saved each others life, and he didn’t want someone he hated holding onto him if he fell over the side of a bridge or a cliff.  The main downside would be all the girl talk he didn’t want to be involved with, all the dreadfully dull talk about shoes and clothes and relationships, Rose or the Doctor on their own were bad enough but two of them together?  That was not good.  Still it could be worse; the Doctor could drag him into the frilly underwear section again and make him select items at random for her to try on.  Thank goodness he’d been able to feign an Auton attack so he could leg it out of the shop before she made him see her modelling the stuff.





Andrea and the Doctor wandered through the lingerie section.  Casually filling their trolley with the necessary plain everyday undies for non-special events, the semi-sexy undies for regular special occasions and sinfully hot undies for when they had sex.  The Doctor may have over-compensated a little for her 900 years of abstinence by buying a crotchless thing.


Andrea spotted a perfect pair of brown leather boots and made the Doctor try them on so she could see how they looked on someone she was friends with.  “They are superb.”


“They’re not really me though.”  The Doctor replied.


“No.”  Andrea agreed.  “You’re more of a black leather person.”


“No, they really make me look short.  I need something that adds a bit of height.  I’m five two if I stand on tip toes.  I’m used to being a little taller, although thank goodness I no longer have to worry about hitting my head on those signs.  I remember one time, I said “madam, either that sign goes or the whole of the world is sucked through an interstitial vortex and the only thing that can save you and I is if I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow with my sonic screwdriver.”


“I’ve got one of those, but the batteries don’t half run down quickly.”


“Yes, the special features do that.”


“It’s only got four settings and I wouldn’t call any of them special.”




Mickey finally caught up with the Doctor in the breakfast cereals.  “I thought you two were never going to get here.  I was going to have them call your name out on the tannoy.”


“They only do that if it’s a confused OAP or a lost child.”  Andrea said to Mickey.  “They’re a bit rubbish really, but the pay was ok.”


“Well, at least I was thinking.”


“Always a good sign.”  The Doctor nodded.  “Now which one shall we get?  Something slimming obviously.”


“With a free toy.”  Mickey said quickly.  “I collect them, I want the whole set, they’ll be valuable one day.”


“They’re all bad for you.”  Andrea said to the others.  “You’re better off with that stuff from the health shop in town.”


“It looks like something out of a rabbit hutch!”  Mickey complained quickly.


“Tastes like it too.”  The Doctor agreed.  “We need sugar, it’s an evil drug I know but we do tend to do a lot of unexpected running.”


“There’s always a quarry too.”  Mickey said to the Doctor.


“And corridors.”  The Doctor smiled.  “I love the way my shoes sound all bossy as I click-click-click down a good long corridor.”




Finally they reached the check out.  The Manager was trying to have a go at Andrea for quitting her job without notice but the Doctor convinced him that she was his superior inspecting the branch for new recruitments and had personally chosen Andrea as her new PA.  The Manager could only look red faced as he apologised and then the Doctor told him that she’d put his name forward for a review of his performance regarding a pay rise.




Andrea was very surprised when she got inside of the TARDIS.  She’d been expecting something like that crap Blake’s 7 her brother had made her watch when she was a kid.  Instead she thought it was amazing.  “It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”


The Doctor smiled.  “I’ll give you the grand tour later.  First we’d better leave, we can unpack and have a nice cup of tea and then we can go to your flat and liberate your shoes.”


Mickey stood next to Andrea.  “I should tell you now, she’s a bit weird and she’s an alien being from someplace called Galway.”


“I’m not Irish.”  The Doctor replied.  “Although I do like the countryside there.  I’m a Time Lady.  Defender of the laws of time, protector of the mysteries of… it’s all boring and not as impressive as it sounds.”


“This ship is very impressive.”  Andrea managed to say, before fainting into Mickey’s waiting arms.


“Are you sure you want to bring her along?”  Mickey asked the Doctor.


“She’ll be splendid.”  The Doctor replied and helped Mickey get her up into the chair.


“Good enough for me.”  Mickey replied.  “I’ll go and put the lager away.”


“One can only.”  The Doctor said quickly.  “I don’t want you putting our new best friend off before she gets to know us better.”


I wanted to add another companion to the TARDIS team and Andrea certainly brings a lot of relationship baggage with her...

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