The 12th Doctor
No-Win Situation
Season 1
Season 2

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The two armies lined up and looked across the tranquil no-mans that separated both sides, a strip of land that was shortly to go down in the history books as one of the bloodiest battles in the memories of all the inhabitants of the planet Colral.  Twenty thousand beings on both sides looked with hate filled eyes at the other side before a small blue box suddenly materialised in front of their eyes.

The Red Star clan looked at the blue box and then their rivals and charged down the small hill they were standing upon.  Raising large axes above their heads they yelled a blood curdling war cry.  “Capture the divine gift of the gods!”  Tolrica the Beardless commanded her troops with a gruff voice.

The Grey Stone clan looked at the strange blue box and then their hated foes and charged forwards, unsheathing long swords and waving them about menacingly.  They chanted their war mantra and other chilling eulogies about dismembering their opponents.  “Save the blue monolith from the evil ones!”  Ehanaza ordered his warriors.



Inside the TARDIS its three occupants were quite oblivious to what was going on outside, for the moment.  The Doctor looked at his brand new digital watch, it had been a gift from Mike for his 1,785th birthday.  “Come on you two, hurry up.”

Mike sauntered into the console room.  “Chill Doctor, it’s not like we have a schedule.”

“I know, but it is nice if the two of you don’t spend twenty seven minutes changing into some outdoor attire isn’t it?”

Mike nodded.  “I suppose so, but I think Alice is reading Molly a bedtime story.  You know how it is finding baby sitters out here in the middle of nowhere.”

“I could look after Molly, I have lots of interesting things in my pockets to interest a shape shifting baby android.”

Alice zoomed into the console room on diesel powered inline skates, did a u-turn around the console and crashed into Mike.  “Blimey watch out.”  She said too late.

The Doctor helped his two friends up to their feet.  “Perhaps you need to add brakes to your wheels Alice?”

“That’s too technical for me.”  Alice admitted her limitations.  “Sorry I’m so late, I was reading Molly a bedtime story and then I had to water Yucca my boyfriend, he’s a real handful for a plant.”

“Well now that we’re all here, why don’t we go outside and explore?”  The Doctor opened the internal doors.  “After you two, I’d better lock up as Molly and Yucca are both inside.”

“He’s totally gorgeous.”  Alice said to Mike.  “He’s got the sexiest leaves I’ve ever seen, he’s such a honey.”

“I’m…erm…happy for you.”  Mike replied.

“You’re so amazing and understanding for a human.”  Alice took hold of Mike’s arm.  “Most members of your rather limited and dim witted species wouldn’t understand just how true our love is.”

“Yes, they’d think you were a simpleminded idiot robot girl with the IQ of a glass of water and the emotional complexity of a brick.”

“I’m not a genius yet.”  Alice frowned at Mike’s compliment.  “However the Doctor’s trying to improve my mind a little each day.”

“I thought it would be safer that way.”  The Doctor said to Mike.

“Yes, we don’t want Alice to turn into an evil tyrant do we?”

“Goodness me no.”  Alice added.  “I can’t even spell it.  Is it me or have we wandered into a giant festival of hugs and joy?”

“It’s you.”  The Doctor tried to get the key back into the TARDIS door lock but it was too late the advancing armies caught up with them and his companions were captured and taken from him.



“Where are we going?”  Alice asked the three burly and quite cute guys, well cute for humans but they weren’t as deliciously gorgeous as her scrummy boyfriend Yucca.  “What’s over here?  My name is Chameleona but you can call me Alice if you like.  Lets be best friends.”  She decided that they must be hard of hearing so she just let them escort her on this wonderful magical mystery tour.



“Get your hands off of me!”  Mike punched one of the brutes in the face but there were too many of them and they managed to hold his hands behind his back to prevent any further struggles.  “Let go of me you savages!  I demand to speak to the British ambassador right this second!”  He tried kicking with his feet but all that meant was that they tied him up and carried him along on their shoulders.



The Doctor managed to program the TARDIS console before he passed out from extreme blood loss.  He fell on top of Alice, who was in the shape of a mattress, shortly joined by Mike who cradled his broken arm.  “That’s the last time I suggest we have a holiday.”

Mike groaned a yes before the pain grew too much and he passed out.

Alice switched into nurse mode and tended her injured friends back to full health, she even dressed the pink plastic Allosaurus shaped Molly up as a nurse to help her in her task.  Finally she pronounced the two patients fit enough for breakfast in bed, scrambled liver and poached daffodils in an egg sauce.  She was surprised by their sudden and total recovery.


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